The Number Isn't The Point

Let’s just talk about weight for a minute

Because most women I work with have a number in their head.

They don’t always say it out loud, but it’s there. That 'if I could just get back to that weight, I’d be fine' number.

And nine times out of ten, that number is from a completely different season of life. Before kids. Before menopause. Before your body started changing the rules without asking your permission.

So when the scale doesn’t line up with how you think you should look or feel, it’s easy to assume something’s gone wrong.

Usually, it hasn’t.

What’s often changed is that your body is carrying more muscle, more bone, more density. A body that’s actually built to cope with stress, hormones, and real life — not just look good in a photo.

Why the scale still has such a hold on us

I understand why the scale feels comforting. It gives you something solid to point to.

You step on. You get a number. You feel like you’re not just guessing.

And when it drops? There’s that little rush. Relief. Proof that you’re being 'good'.

So you chase it.

You eat a bit less. Tighten things up. Push through hunger. Tell yourself it’s temporary.

What I see over and over though is women getting close to their goal — sometimes even hitting it — and still feeling uneasy. Still watching food. Still thinking about their body more than they want to.

That’s usually the moment they realise they didn’t actually want a lower weight.

They wanted peace.

The problem with goal weight

Goal weight sounds logical. Sensible, even.

But the idea that there’s one perfect number your body is meant to sit at? That’s a bit of a myth.

Most calculators and formulas are educated guesses at best. They don’t account for muscle, bone density, hormones, training history, stress, sleep — or the fact that bodies change as we age.

A more useful question is:

Can I live normally in this body?

Can I eat without overthinking it? Train without punishing myself? Have weekends, holidays, dinners out — without everything falling apart?

Because if the answer is no, then that weight isn’t really working for you.

The body you can maintain is the one that matters

Here’s something women don’t get told often enough - getting leaner and staying leaner are two very different skill sets.

A lot of women can push hard and get results short term. They’ve done it before. Multiple times.

But maintaining that body often requires constant effort — tracking, restricting, planning, saying no, staying vigilant.

And that’s where resentment creeps in.

I always ask, what does your life have to look like to stay in this body?

If it feels smaller, tighter, more controlled than the life you actually want, that’s important information.

Smaller doesn’t automatically mean healthier (especially now)

This matters more in midlife than it ever did before.

After 40, pushing your weight down often comes with trade-offs: less muscle, less bone density, lower energy, poorer recovery, more hormonal disruption.

You can be lighter and feel worse.

A lot of what’s marketed as “health” is really just chronic under-fuelling with a good filter.

Real health at this stage is about resilience — strength, stability, energy, and the capacity to cope with stress.

That usually requires enough food, not less.

Muscle changes the whole equation

This is the bit many women still resist.

Muscle doesn’t make you bulky. It makes you capable.

It raises the amount of food your body can handle. It protects your bones and joints. It helps your body manage blood sugar and hormonal shifts.

And no — you don’t accidentally build heaps of muscle by lifting a few weights a week. Muscle is slow. It takes consistency and fuel.

Two or three solid strength sessions a week is enough to change how your body behaves over time.

Maintenance isn’t failure — it’s often the smartest phase

Diet culture treats maintenance like a consolation prize.

In reality, it’s where you learn how to live.

Maintenance looks like a stable weight range, decent energy, food taking up less mental space, and training that supports your life instead of running it.

It’s flexible. It moves with seasons, stress, and hormones.

There’s a point where pushing harder gives you very little back — and takes a lot.

Listening to that isn’t weakness. It’s self-respect.

If weekends feel chaotic, it’s probably not willpower

This comes up constantly.

Women tell me they’re ‘good’ all week and then everything unravels on the weekend.

That’s rarely a discipline issue. It’s usually a fuelling issue.

Restriction builds pressure. Eventually it releases.

Learning how to eat enough during the week — especially protein and fibre — makes weekends calmer, not perfect.

That’s a skill. And it’s learnable.

A question I come back to again and again

If you had to live this way for the next ten years… would you?

If the answer’s no, it’s worth rethinking the plan.

Because the real goal isn’t a smaller body.

It’s a body you trust. One that supports your life instead of demanding constant management.

When that happens, weight tends to settle where it needs to.

And you finally get to get on with living.

XO Jane